Spilt Milk

So… How has my day been?

Well where to begin. Lets start with midnight, because I work the night shift. So at midnight I was doing an emergency surgery on teenager that could no longer feel or move their feet because of a deformity in some vessel in her spine. Surgeries on young people really get to me, mainly because they have so much life to live and have not damaged their bodies in ways that lead them to the operating room. Prior to that 5-hour surgery we got calls for 4 other emergency cases on top of our normal caseload for the evening. We were slammed. Welcome to life at a level one trauma center. AND it wasn’t even a full moon. (Yes, I believe the moon brings out the craziness.)

So after about an hour of sleep I come home to my little love, who is just bursting at the seam for some mommy cuddles. He HATES it when I pump, which is part of my normal morning routine, thus initiating all sorts of whining and some big alligator tears. All in all, Brayden was wonderful today. He is standing for longer and longer, learning how to play all of his instruments, and loves to throw balls all over the house. My favorite activity lately is to have a dance party with B. He stands up and bounces or makes me hold him while I get in some cardio and work on my squats (aka booty shaking).

Moments like those are the reason why I work the shift that I do. Brayden is the reason I choose to work when other people are sleeping. I want to spend every moment possible with him and am very thankful for a job that allows me to “have my cake and eat it too”. With that said, I am always tired and surviving one nap to the next. If we ever talk face to face about my schedule PLEASE do me a solid and make it seem like something you would never ever want to do. If you do that, you will be helping me out immensely and here is why:

The night shift is HARD because the nights of NO SLEEP- SUCKS. Help me to feel like I am a bad ass, who is willing to sacrifice for my baby. Sometimes I don’t want to look on the bright side and I definitely don’t need to be reminded that I only go in two days a week (partly because I work 12-7am even on the days I am not “going in” and am worthless afterwards anyway). I just want you to commiserate with me! Please and thank you, in advance.

The rest of the evening progressed merrily. Dustin came home- HALLELUJAH! I went to a barre class and almost died, per the norm. Dustin made turkey tacos for dinner and I put my little baby bear. This is where the night took a turn for the worse. Duh Duh Duhhhhhhh

So I have to scald my pumped milk on the stove and then cool it immediately in a bowl of ice water, before I can then package it up for freezing or put it in a bottle for use. It is a pain in the rear, but another labor of love that I choose to perform so that Brayden will have my milk. I had the last 24 hours worth of milk which was about 20 oz. (5 bottles) and as I am putting the jar into the ice bath IT EXPLODED!!!

I moaned, whined, and then shed a tear (or two) because this couldn’t possibly be happening. That is like 2 and a half hours of pumping that I will never get back. It is 5 bottles that Brayden will never drink. It is like 2000 calories that I will not miss (got to look on the bright side a little bit) but that my body had to utilize. So I immediately took a picture, posted it on a breastfeeding group I’m a part of and am now thankful that I have other women to curse Mr. Mason (of the jar masons) with me.

As if that wasn’t bad enough then Dustin made me pack up the Christmas decorations. Goodbye to Brayden’s first Christmas. I could just curl up crying at the thought. More on why his first Christmas was so important to me later…like maybe tomorrow.

Time to strap up the good ol’ pump and make up for that waste of my life earlier. Whoever said, “Don’t cry over spilt milk” was NOT a breastfeeding mother. Good Night!