No just kidding. We WERE Pregnant… in 2016.
This memory cracks me up and I want to be able to look back on this and remember it even after I am old and grey.
So I went back to PA anesthesia school after working in a lab for a few years. When Dustin and I were “planning” our desired timeline for children I knew that I wanted to work for at least a year before expecting my employer to give me maternity leave. After I graduated I had three months before I could start at the hospital because of credentialing and paperwork. As my graduation present Dustin sent me to Europe for that time because I have always wanted to go backpacking. The adventures that I had over that three months are some of my fondest memories and I hope to write about them one day. After I returned home we decided to start “trying” to get pregnant, knowing that it could take months.
I started exercising, eating well, and avoiding caffeine and alcohol in order to get my body prepared for having a baby. After five months of “trying” and taking tests every month I got frustrated and decided I would just give it up to God and stop thinking about it. I started an exercise challenge and threw all my focus into that. I ended up losing 20lbs over those months and was running 5 miles every couple days. I felt great and was in a very good place emotionally and spiritually. Lauren Daigle’s song “Trust In You” was on repeat every time I showered or drove. The song lyrics say, “When you don’t move the mountains, I’m needing you to move; When you don’t part the waters, I wish I could walk through; When you don’t give the answers, as I cry out to you; I will trust in You”. It’s an awesome song and helped me to keep my head up though I had this fear that I may never be able to have a baby. Go listen to it; maybe it can encourage you too.
Anyway, Dustin and I were running a 5k early one morning and it was not pretty. I felt terrible! My boobs hurt, I couldn’t breathe and I felt absolutely fatigued at two miles in. I had literally run 5 miles, only a couple days before so Dustin joked that I must be pregnant. I ignored him, because I didn’t want to be disappointed again. Another week passed by and I was SO sleepy. Dustin kept encouraging me to take a pregnancy test but I really just didn’t want to see another negative. After another week of feeling strange I decided to take one without telling Dustin so that he didn’t get his hopes up. When I saw the little plus sign I felt dizzy and winded. This was finally it! I would get to be a mommy!
I always thought I’d surprise Dustin in some cute way to reveal that we were having a baby but I was so shocked and excited I immediately yelled down stairs for him! I was expecting some sweet moment where we both cried and hugged but instead what I found was my husband on the toilet, with the door open. He might kill me for sharing this but this was so funny to me. Yeah, sure, we tinkle with the door open but never a “number two”. Dustin didn’t even respond to my shouts about being pregnant and instead just shut the door right in my face. Stunned, I went back upstairs to get ready for work, wondering if he was excited or if he even heard me. About a minute later I started getting message after message with articles he wanted me to read about how to have a healthy pregnancy. And so began Dustin’s mission to protect the baby beyond all sense. I didn’t even carry my own purse for the entire duration of my pregnancy and was treated like a queen because Dustin didn’t want anything to happen to us. He said over and over, “mama okay, baby okay?” and that was his highest priority.
As I drove to work on June 10th, 2016, the most brilliant sunrise made me feel so much joy and comfort. We had just found out about our very own little gift from God, and the glorious sky lit up like a celebration. Boy oh boy, our dreams about him could never have lived up to the reality we are living.
For those struggling to get pregnant, I can empathize; though I know so many try for longer than half a year. I pray that you can trust in the Lord’s plan for your life and His timing. I learned that letting go of control is a very hard thing to do, but it is so worth it.